im back!

i'm not around for two weeks... because i had Chicken Pox...so sad... i quarantined myself on thosedays, can u imagine that? got back in the office yesterday, but today is just the chance to write whats been happenin'... check things out..
i opened my email and guess what...right...im over quota... received a txt message this morning from a friend in the States, asking me to erase mails.... well, i'm happy at least my friend wonder... had a chance to erase some, last wednesday when i went home. but still my mail is full.
before going here to post my blogs, checked out my friends blogs first, read, whatz been happenin' with them... i have read tins blog... bout relationship..having a longterm engagement... going out with the same guy over the years... and still fight over small stuffs... with this guy u experience all the extremes of life...u can be super sad but u can also be super happy... well, i can really understand her blog, im in the same situation... but we're with the different perspective.... i may be seeing the bird's eye view of things and life of whatz going to happen... if just in case couple settle down... but my friend is somewhat seeing the rear view of everything, but inside me, i envy her (see my previous blog).. wish i would not always feel that im gettin' older and need to be in... y'know what i mean.. feels like its the only choice i have to make, and the only move i have to make so my life could have a direction... my world seems to just end with him, him, him.... when can i be like her?
moving on to a different issue... joseph got mad at me last nyt... haven't receive any text massage from him till now... he even didn't let me know that he was home, after he accompany me going home... the story... (im kinda shy to tell it, because its so shallow..) kasi whenever hinahatid nya ako pauwi.. and malapit na sa street namin, pag nag-ask n sya s driver bumababa... feeling ko bumubulong lang sya, parang waste of time kasi nde naman maririnig... tapos uulitin na naman nya kasi nga mahina... tapos ilang ulit ko nang sinasabi sa kanya na lakasan nya... he asked me, "lumampas ba tayo?" i answered. "hindi", he said, "what's the big deal? as long as hindi nman lumalampas, hayaan mo na ako, ako na bahala." with the stubborn me, i picked up an argument... over that silly thing... i also know that i already got to his nerves na din, because i'm arguing with him over this Testimonial his friend had with him, kasi it feels like she just copied my testi, and the nerve, feeling a real lady whenever shes with my guy... but honestly, this girl has been good to me, i've been with her in baguio, during their barkada outing... it's just that... well... im jealous... wag naman sana sya magsawa sa akin, sa over na pagseselos ko. sabi nga nya kagabi, ang "OA" ko daw, hehehe, nde ako nagalit when he told me that, kasi tutoo naman eh. nakukunsensya nga ko, sa mga ginagawa ko, kasi nun tym na may sakit ako, he was the one who gave me food, he would even boil egg for me, para daw lumabas na lahat ng bulu2ng ko, hehe, ang dami nga, lalo na sa face, sana lang walang scar... tapos he bought me medicines pa, as in asikaso to the max, tapos gaganituhin ko pa. nakakaasar ba talaga ako? tinanong ko pa... he will be havin' a company outing this weekend, and syempre, inggit na naman ako sa kanya, hindi ako kasama kasi company outing nga eh... but @ the back of my mind, why can't he let me join him, kasi ba gagastus lang sya pag sinama nya ako? but why dun sa iba kong friends, they can and they let their partners go with them during company outing, ayaw ba nya ako kasama? i wonder? but i have this answer, maybe, if its ok to bring me during this outing... he would tell himself, "wag na lang, hindi lang ako mag-e-enjoy pag kasama sya, kasi magseselos lang sya ng magseselos, kahit s simpleng pakikipag-usap ko sa babae, may ibig sabihin na s kanya", maybe he would say that to himself... i just had this thought, and i know its possible... but i just hope, hindi na lang pwede magsama kaya hindi nya ako masama.. kasi may budget... but i heard from him before, may mga managers na nagsasama ng family, and when i asked, "bakit sila, nagsasama, ako hindi mo sinasama?" he answered. "manager ba ako?" wala supalpal na namn ako, sad... which is true, he really has a point... kaya lang... i dunno... im so miserable.. after my depression last 2001, feeling ko, i cant get out of it, esp. my insecurities toward my relationship. i know this is a poison... kaya lang ang hirap kinakain na nya ako. i just Pray, bahala na si God.
Here naman sa work, tambak ang mga gagawin ko, lahat ng tao demanding, kaya yesterday, i wasnt able to even visit my email and my blog. early lunch daw ako, at wala akong kasama dito sa room, kaya ayun, i was able to sneak, and make this..
they told me, i lose weight, sana tutoo... when i checked the scale i lose 4kg... that's fabulous! but its not easy to get sick, im so restless when i got chicken pox and i was so sad, i had fever and i even can't take a bath...
well, im back in the circulation again, i can blog thoughts again, and i'm happy... i just hope na magbati na lang kami ni joseph before the day ends... should i text him? what should i do... my pride is eating me din eh... bahala na mamaya... (",)