life

I realized that life itself is too short to waste. I often times hear and read it, but not quite ponder about it, until now. I just came to know that my mother’s youngest sister was diagnosed with Refractory Anemia. As Wikipedia described, is an anemia which does not respond to treatment. [1] It is often seen secondary to myelodysplastic syndromes. [2]Iron deficiency anemia may also be refractory as a clinical manifestation of gastrointestinal problems which disrupt iron metabolism. The non-respond to treatment send me shiver. I also realized that I haven’t been able to get in touch with her for the longest time, since i myself is also preoccupied with problems of my own. The last time that we spoke was the time that she’s having some problems with her daughter’s decision making. Most of the time I keep myself aloof with people or even my relatives whom I won't be getting any positive attitude or positive respond/news, I known my Tita to always be problematic about so many things in her life esp if it’s her family, that's the way she is.

Now, I don’t exactly know how I feel.

Deep inside I feel really sad but at the same time, I can not accept the news that came to my ears. What’s sudden me- the most is that I can’t really help her to the best that I could. For one, I am not there, another is I myself have problems (as stated above). I can’t quietly figure what to say, but I have so many thoughts before I decided to write and now all I can say is I’m sad. I will perhaps send her message today or chat with her. I am not even in touch with my cousin (her daughter) whom I consider as one of my bestfriends, before, but for some reasons and after some melodramatic problems she had, I let her be, in my head I could never fathom the inability to surrender and leave the love of her life. Yes, she crossed seas just to be with him and that she knows that he’s not the right person. See that’s where the first problem occurred. I let her be, knowing that she can decide on her own and may be just may be the feeling is mutual. She doesn’t need to hear what I would say because I won’t be of any help and that’s not what she wants to hear afterall. I also believe that she’s already on the right age to distinguish wrong to right. I have also been itching another thing that may be should be the right thing to do- to keep in touch with her brother whom I really think needs guidance and advise. You know I really didn’t know what happenned to me, before even if u don’t need my advise, I would give you an unsolicited one, just so somehow you would realize, but now, I wont talk until you ask. I guess it comes with age. I suppose this is not me, but this is how I become to be me. now.
Again, I’m reminded of my bestfriend whom I haven’t talk for the last 6 months maybe. I tried to call her some 2-3 months ago and sent sms to her, but i guess she still in her state. I know that she has that qualities that whenever she has problems, it’s her way of dealing with it, she’s my opposite you see, she don’t want to talk about it, she’d rather be on her own. Time passed and I just let her be just like whatI do with my cousin, I just let them be.

This world continues to change, but I guess some things can not be easily changed. I am not in my best status right now though I try to be calm about it, even being optimistic about it, it’s all I have. All I can do is pray hard.

I will be praying for my Tita Yeng, everything is possible with God. He will heal her. May she be resilient and overcome this trial.

I will be praying for Wawon, that she’ll be given strength and wisdom and perhaps I should get in touch with her.

I will be praying for Biboy and hope I could email him for some advises that could touch his heart and wake up to reality.

I will be praying for Jen that she would be alright and God will comfort her.

I will pray for the world to turn to our One and only God, our Creator.