hanging by a moment

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
Chasing after you

nope,i'm not singing it now. but i was reminded of the song with my current situation, esp the 1st line and the 3rd. I really need a change in my life. and am still just close to where i started. I'm not sure if i started it all wrong or just fate has it's own way of making things a bit difficult for me. of course each and everyone of us has their own difficulties. but sometimes situations doesn't make you any happier. I could say I'm blessed for the most part, it just that, may be I'm looking for me, or rephrase that for me, I know i deserve more. During this difficult time in the desert land, I know i should not be picky with my job. esp that i am in the field where the crisis really hurt so hard- Realty and Construction. I am a Civil Engineer and i think i am not well-payed. or maybe for the time being, I am cause if you start looking for job now, it's hard to find the amount i am payed for. But just sometimes in my new office, o,o, wait, not sometimes, but i say most of the time, judgements and things aren't fair. I wonder why this manager judge poorly. and just he only thinks people who shows-off were the one's working where in fact, he can always see the report where my name always occur to be the best one who's working- i'm not trying to carry my chair here, if you know what i mean,but it's a matter-of-fact. I hate to reason this with myself and to just keep on telling that may be i need to learn how to deal with this injustice for more maturity. maturity or non-maturity this re-occurence stresses me. i wonder why i always feel exhausted at the end of the day and i don't really feel happy about things there. *sigh*
i guess i have to really deal with it and just hope for the best. may be in the next few months, ill try to have a new company, just after this thing that we need to do in the nearest months. do pray for me.


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i just want to share one scribble i did at work, just because i want to take out the stress, this sort of did help me. and hey, I'm keeping a journal so i would always count my blessings. I know it will do me good.

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I'm at home now, my sweetest sweetheart was sick. but she's better now, so I guess hubby doesn't need to skip work tomorrow. thank God.




Of course still am trying to lose weight for the nth time, i hope this workz. it's appetite-suppressant, as you know i kinda find it hard to stop myself from eating, nuff said.